Erik and I were talking at length yesterday about how to deal with your emotions and life choices. Yesterday was a day that I didn't make many 'wise' choices because I ignored what I was really feeling. Sometimes I just want to shut off my brain and just not have to think...kind of like going into auto pilot. Well, yesterday was a day like that. I kept myself busy enough so that I didn't have to feel the negativity that was creeping up. I should have dealt with it first thing in the morning, however I decided to ignore it. I usually eat quite healthy and maintain a positive outlook on life, but I used the excuses of have this 'down-time' from training to
really shut off my brain, slack on nutrition and ignore myself. Don't get me wrong, I believe one needs to have "down time" every now and then so you are refreshed for an upcoming season. However, the way that I went about it - ignoring my true feelings and thoughts, and making bad choices, is not what its all about. Down-time is great...but I think you have to be positive and in the right mind-set. I realize this now...in retrospect.
The reason I am writing this is because Erik had a great analogy to choices and I thought I would share it with you. It has helped me make more sense of things, and well, sometimes some of the easiest things are tough to grasp!
Erik compared my yesterday (and everyday of your life for that matter) to a Choose Your Own Adventure Novel. If you haven't read one of these I would suggest that you try one. As a kid I use to read them a lot and it made you feel like you were the one in power of the characters choices, thoughts and outcomes. And that is exactly how you are in your own life...or at least I seem to think so. Ultimately in every crossroad you come to in your life or daily activities, you have to make a choice. And each choice has a consequence and leads to another choice with more consequences and so on.
Here is an example: you wake up in the morning tired and lazy, and need to decide what you are going to do next. There are ultimately a million choices you could make when you reach this 'cross-road', but lets narrow it down to three:
1. Laze around the house
2. Venture outside for an easy activity - IE. walking Hobbes
3. Kick yourself in the butt and try to attempt a 'real' aerobic activity.
Now, no matter what choice you make there are consequences. And this is where sometimes I do not seem to take the time to look into. (It is the same thing as when I type sometimes to people...I get on a roller coaster and type/think as fast as I can muster and the result is a bundle of words/phrases that utterly do not make any sense. Chuckie can vouch for that one! ) Instead of taking the time and really thinking what will come out of this, I pick a choice based on if I am negative or positive. So lets say I choose #1, as I did yesterday. When I chose this, I was negative. So ultimately, negative consequences were the result. I kept myself busy and got a lot of sponsorship proposal stuff done, however, my mind and body didn't get anything out of it. Thus, I really wasted time in my life and didn't grow as a person. I was negative when I made the decision and ignored my true feelings...(which were fighting with myself because I thought I should be active and knew in the back of my mind that I am just being lazy and wanting to shut my brain off. ). Now if I was in a positive mindset when I made the choice, Choice #1 would be a great choice. This is 'down-time' for me and taking a morning on the computer and at home is a great idea....as long as I am not hiding from what I am truly feeling or ignoring myself.
So not only do you have to make a choice, you have to be
HONEST with yourself. And that, I think, I have finally come to realize.
In a Choose Your Own Adventure Book, choices are easy. This is because you don't have to deal with the consequences personally, and personal feelings/mindset don't make you want to choose one way over the other. I guess that is why they call life complicated! If it was as easy as a Choose your own adventure...life would be meaningless.
So even though every moment in your life comes down to you making a decision (out of the million choices you could make), I think it comes down to
how you are thinking at the time. If you are positive - the results are positive; if you are negative - the results are negative. Being
honest with yourself will help you make the right decision.
Going back to our example. Now that I have had time to think about it, I thinking choosing option #2 (going for a walk with Hobbes) would have been the better choice with the negative mind-set that I was in at the time. Going for a walk with Hobbes would have given me the time to think why I am being negative and deal with these feelings, and at the same time, provide me with some exercise that I know in the back of my mind I enjoy and want to do daily.
Now I know not every moment in your life you get the time to sit and ponder on what the consequences will be from what you choose to do at that particular moment. However, if you make one solid positive choice, other positive choices will follow and be much easier to make.
Its like doing laundry (another analogy by Erik). If you don't deal with your feelings or thoughts on a daily basis you create a big pile of laundry in your head. The more you don't deal with things, the more laundry piles up. Before you know it, you have ten loads that need to be done. Each load and article of clothing takes time. You have to sort it all, wash it, dry it, fold each piece of clothing ,and put them away in drawers/dressers. Thus, one not only needs to take the time to reflect on their life and feelings but deal with them as they come up! You need to be
honest with yourself and reflect on what you are thinking and doing. It is only then when you will be able to grow as a person and live the life you dream of - or you will definitely be doing dirty laundry for the rest of your life!
I know this blog is a bit of a tangent from triathlon training however, I think its almost more vital than putting the work in physically. Mental is almost 100% of the game when you have done your homework in the physical. And this is something I have to keep reminding myself daily. Anyhow, I think these quotes help sum up what I am trying to say:
The truth that many people never understand, until it is too late, is that the more you try to avoid suffering, the more your suffer, because smaller and more insignificant things begin to torture you in proportion to your fear of being hurt. - Thomas Merton
Our lives improve only when we take chances - and the first and most difficult risk we can take is to be honest with ourselves. - Walter Anderson