Chuckie has been preparing me in more ways than one for camp: longer, hillier run sessions, some long strength work in the pool, and testing me with what he calls "harshness". I tend to call it being just plain mean. I know it's for my own good because sometimes I feel I'm too soft and need to get in the ring to fight with all my might. He often says my mind is in shambles and that I need to focus more. He's right, I think. I hope Doc can help!
Weakness I know is something that will not be tolerated on Team TBB. I'm ready to train hard physically. But mentally, I might need to start at the beginning. When I worked as a pediatric physical therapist, I helped kids gain enough strength to learn to walk. I saw so many kids (not infants) take their first step. Each one of them had the mastery of a warrior and their eyes showed it. Their confidence level grew with each step and they were determined in achieving their goal of walking to my open arms. They weren't engulfed with worry, even when their home life left a lot to be desired. They took one baby step at a time…with total focus at the task at hand.
I'm 26 now, almost 27 in a month's time. I'm new to the sport but am no spring chicken! I have a sense of eagerness to get the job done and I love pushing the limits. So what is holding me back?
Worry it seems. I worry about what I need to get done, what I need to do, and what I should/could have done. With all this worry, I don't focus. I don't just swim, bike or run while I swim, bike or run. Don't get me wrong, I have days where I know I'm on fire and it's easy to keep my mind free of clutter. But that's the thing. I want more of them. I want to say I give it 100% everyday, every workout, every moment.
My mind tends to spread itself all over the map rather than focusing on the 'X'. With the move to the Philippines for training camp and having a new coach, I'm more than excited, I'm stoked! But I've made some minor mole hills into major mountains.
The stress of going to LA and getting my visas in order took a huge toll on my body physically and mentally. The traffic was crazy and quite honestly overwhelmed me. My training lacked and my mind has been elsewhere, though I'm not sure where. I traveled back to Canada for a quick weekend trip. The travel to/from California, organizing my stuff I packed from another move last year, spending time with family, and then trying to get in some sort of training was hard.
This past week, here in Lompoc, I've been packing, organizing what needs organizing (then reorganizing it), trying to get my head back on straight, and living in a house that is now being renovated by the owner – all of which has left me feeling a bit overwhelmed. I realized this when I broke down during an indoor ride. All the stress that had been building needed to be let out and doing big gear work was only exacerbating the problem. After a good sob and some chill time in a warm bath, I went straight to bed for some much needed 'R & R'. Since then, I've been worrying too much that I won't be ready for what Doc will throw my way. I guess only time will tell. It always does. But I'd like to have my say in it!
I'm a fighter at heart and know all this nonsense I've created will pass. Reading what I just wrote makes me look like a head case. (I'm not Doc, don't you worry!) I'm sure some might agree to, this, but I know I'm stronger than what I think would be perceived. I've been able to race (and race well) under a lot of stress. Boulder Peak was my first race back after a broken toe, relocating to a new place at a new (higher) elevation, finding a place to live, etc. And I won. For Worlds 70.3, I was in NO way ready to race. I was having some foot issues, I didn't run much at all for the last 4 weeks prior to the race, and I was living on a friend's floor, where it was quite stressful at times (not just the floor!). Maybe my problem now is that I have too much time to worry about the 'what ifs' and I'm stressing over the things that will eventually work themselves out. I expect that Doc won't give me much time to think. I look forward to that!
Chuckie has helped me a lot in both my mental and physical game this past year. I know Doc will help me achieve 100% confidence in my abilities as an athlete. I've read a number of articles and re-read the team's forum, and I can't even come close to naming how many athletes he's helped achieve their best. I hope he's up for the task once again! I know I am. Enough crap, enough cobwebs and enough worry!
And this is why I'm excited to go to camp, and to be a member of Team TBB…to be with a coach that has produced more world class athletes than probably the years I've been alive. To be on a team that far surpasses any other tri team (are there any others?!). And to be attached to a group of sponsors that are fully dedicated to the team. Team TBB is not only a step in the right direction, but the only step. What more could I ask for?
My main point here isn't to give kudos to an already well-known team but to say, I'm here for one thing – to achieve, and to be, greatness!
Three things I know so far that need to be done on my part:
1. A lot of hard training
2. Clearing my head of the nonsense
3. Not only have the eye of the tiger, but gain the strength and one-set mind-body mastery so that I can kill my prey with one swift leap and a quick chomp to the jugular!
I'm a beginner at best and one thing I do know is that I'll be damned if I don't give it my all. I'm in the fight to win! One thing's for sure, something's clicking in this head of mine…and that's the clock!