I’ve just read Matt Fitzgerald’s blog on being a being a lowly participant (as opposed to being a competitior). I’m afraid to say that there are many themes in his writing that pertain to how I’ve been this past year. Since first being injured in March, my own life has been controlled by worry, doubt, anger, frustration, pain and much disappointment. My own motivation this year has been based solely on trying to prove to others and myself I’m not a failure. Albeit, that is exactly what I’ve become these past few months. I’ve failed at ‘not re-injurying myself’, progressively increasing my training, and I’ve failed at keeping my head in check. I’m going through what one would call, ‘a rough patch’.
After being injured, trying to keep some type of sanity has been difficult. When I finally had the go-ahead to start running, I took this as a sign that I was 100% injury free. This is not the case. After a mere two weeks of running, I injured my Achilles. This is now resolved and I’m back to a slow walk-run protocol on the track. I’m cycling and swimming. So, what is hindering me right now?
My head, my mental game, my stress and worry….all self-inflicted. I’ve made some mistakes these past few weeks and now I’m fighting the consequences of these actions. It makes me wonder what I’m doing with my life and where I’m going.
I have the desire to be the best triathlete that my body will allow me to be. I know what I need to do to be injury free, and I know what it takes to be a professional. So, why do I keep making mistake after mistake? If I had to name all the mistakes I’ve made in my life, I’d have to write a 200-page essay. But, one might say, isn’t this how you learn? Everyone makes mistakes. Yes, everyone does…but as many as I have? You have to learn from these mistakes.
One would think after being in athletics this long, I’d have learned what my body is capable of doing and how to stay and be mentally strong. Not so. I have MUCH to learn…
Last year, my first professional year in triathlon, was an amazing experience. Since then, I haven’t found what I had last year – mentally and physically. 3+ months of no running or cycling will do that to you. But now I have to learn the patience that comes with fighting your way back to 100% health (both in the mind and the body).
2009 - a stretch of injury, disappointment and self-inflicted pain, worry and regression. But one isn't without hope. I wouldn’t be typing this if I didn’t have any. Maybe (actually, without a doubt), this is the year I needed. How else will I improve who I am as a person? So, change it Angela. Learn! Be the person you see yourself as!
Every morning I wake up stressed. I wake up believing that I won’t be who I dream of becoming. I wake up thinking I have lost so much this year that next year I’ll never be racing to my true potential. I worry that I’m done as an athlete and that I’ll keeping making the same mistakes. I worry about stress, finances,and personal relationships and the stress I pose on them. My life is literally a big ball of worry that is ready to explode. After making some big mistakes in my life these past few weeks, I’m left wondering what tomorrow will bring? Perhaps, I’ll have to accept what I’m already believing and breathing – that I am a failure. Undoubtedly, this is where I will continue to go until my death-bed….unless I CHANGE.
I can’t expect results to come to me. I can’t expect that I’ll be healthy without taking care of myself. I can’t expect to go back into training 100% when I’ve been sitting on my @ss for half the year.
I can’t keep letting life float me by. I can’t keep pretending. I need to get focused. I need to find self-love.
I have to accept that I may not race this year. I have to expect to live on credit when racing has been side-lined...and not worry about it! I have to expect that building myself back up from ground zero takes TIME.
It’s now or never, Angela. Or, you’ll keep digging your own self-made grave.
I’ve already written the tombstone:
Angela Naeth, professional triathlete for 1 year
…died a long, slow, self-inflicted death
Remembered by her failure in her 2nd year as a Pro
RIP.
CHANGE. How do change a mindset that has been so ingrained in me this past year? I know that if I continue what I’m doing, I’ll regret the rest of my days on earth. I need to pick up the pieces again. I need to find what my true motivation is in the sport and live it! I need to live with hope.
So where is the roadmap? How do I change?
1. Rediscover the motivation and enjoyment I had for the sport.
2. Build on my desire and determination to be my best.
3. Take one day at a time. Build upon them.
4. Believe in the dream. It’s the next three years that will build my success… it doesn’t come in a day.
5. Remember the streets in Manilla! Remember how good I have it in life. I have two legs, two arms, a healthy heart and I live in North America. I have food. I have some great and amazing sponsors. I have people that believe in me!
To be continued….
After being injured, trying to keep some type of sanity has been difficult. When I finally had the go-ahead to start running, I took this as a sign that I was 100% injury free. This is not the case. After a mere two weeks of running, I injured my Achilles. This is now resolved and I’m back to a slow walk-run protocol on the track. I’m cycling and swimming. So, what is hindering me right now?
My head, my mental game, my stress and worry….all self-inflicted. I’ve made some mistakes these past few weeks and now I’m fighting the consequences of these actions. It makes me wonder what I’m doing with my life and where I’m going.
I have the desire to be the best triathlete that my body will allow me to be. I know what I need to do to be injury free, and I know what it takes to be a professional. So, why do I keep making mistake after mistake? If I had to name all the mistakes I’ve made in my life, I’d have to write a 200-page essay. But, one might say, isn’t this how you learn? Everyone makes mistakes. Yes, everyone does…but as many as I have? You have to learn from these mistakes.
One would think after being in athletics this long, I’d have learned what my body is capable of doing and how to stay and be mentally strong. Not so. I have MUCH to learn…
Last year, my first professional year in triathlon, was an amazing experience. Since then, I haven’t found what I had last year – mentally and physically. 3+ months of no running or cycling will do that to you. But now I have to learn the patience that comes with fighting your way back to 100% health (both in the mind and the body).
2009 - a stretch of injury, disappointment and self-inflicted pain, worry and regression. But one isn't without hope. I wouldn’t be typing this if I didn’t have any. Maybe (actually, without a doubt), this is the year I needed. How else will I improve who I am as a person? So, change it Angela. Learn! Be the person you see yourself as!
Every morning I wake up stressed. I wake up believing that I won’t be who I dream of becoming. I wake up thinking I have lost so much this year that next year I’ll never be racing to my true potential. I worry that I’m done as an athlete and that I’ll keeping making the same mistakes. I worry about stress, finances,and personal relationships and the stress I pose on them. My life is literally a big ball of worry that is ready to explode. After making some big mistakes in my life these past few weeks, I’m left wondering what tomorrow will bring? Perhaps, I’ll have to accept what I’m already believing and breathing – that I am a failure. Undoubtedly, this is where I will continue to go until my death-bed….unless I CHANGE.
I can’t expect results to come to me. I can’t expect that I’ll be healthy without taking care of myself. I can’t expect to go back into training 100% when I’ve been sitting on my @ss for half the year.
I can’t keep letting life float me by. I can’t keep pretending. I need to get focused. I need to find self-love.
I have to accept that I may not race this year. I have to expect to live on credit when racing has been side-lined...and not worry about it! I have to expect that building myself back up from ground zero takes TIME.
It’s now or never, Angela. Or, you’ll keep digging your own self-made grave.
I’ve already written the tombstone:
Angela Naeth, professional triathlete for 1 year
…died a long, slow, self-inflicted death
Remembered by her failure in her 2nd year as a Pro
RIP.
CHANGE. How do change a mindset that has been so ingrained in me this past year? I know that if I continue what I’m doing, I’ll regret the rest of my days on earth. I need to pick up the pieces again. I need to find what my true motivation is in the sport and live it! I need to live with hope.
So where is the roadmap? How do I change?
1. Rediscover the motivation and enjoyment I had for the sport.
2. Build on my desire and determination to be my best.
3. Take one day at a time. Build upon them.
4. Believe in the dream. It’s the next three years that will build my success… it doesn’t come in a day.
5. Remember the streets in Manilla! Remember how good I have it in life. I have two legs, two arms, a healthy heart and I live in North America. I have food. I have some great and amazing sponsors. I have people that believe in me!
To be continued….
9 comments:
ta
First thing to do when you are in a hole is quit digging.
put everything into the activity you are doing at present. String that together for a few days. It will turn into a successful plan soon enough.
As Crash Davis said to Nuke when he began to struggle with his pitching "Don't think, just pitch"
Razorback, you make it sound simple...and you're right! That is how it should be. I;m doing just that. Today was my first...
Hey Angela,
I've followed your blog for a while but have never posted. First - I am so sorry that you're going through what seems like a really really rough patch. It's pretty ironic that the same body that we strive to take care of, to better, to improve, can be so impossibly cruel. I missed all of 2008 due to a pretty bad bike crash where I broke my back - and a big part of the battle was just as much mental as it was physical. I think that what you're feeling and experiencing are totally normal - If there's one piece of advice that I could offer, it would be to 'be kind to yourself'. You've gone through and are experiencing A LOT right now and beating yourself up for an injury will not help anything. Just realize that you're doing the best that you can with the tools that you have... each experience that you go through, you learn and grow.
Hang in there - I'll be thinking of you. (Sorry if this was so long...I tend to ramble :)
Angela, You are firmly in charge here...and kudos for your abilities. The setbacks will lead to something huge as per the following quote:
"Every adversity has within it a seed of an equivalent or a greater benefit"
I can tell you, as a 50 year old runner and triathlete, it is absolutely true, every time, but the truth is difficult to see until reflection... after the fact. As one personal example, my best overall win to date came just 18 weeks after breaking my foot badly on a run. (This year!)
The doc told me to expect arthritis and only run when being chased. I was scared -but it was bull. Who says I can't swim with a broken foot :-) Now I appreciate the opportunity to train and compete more than ever before.
Elite athletic lore is filled with stories of hardship followed by victory, gold medals, or world records. These stories prove the essential ingredients of success are adversity combined with persistence. No adversity = no success.
This could be an opportunity for you to improve your mental game.
Check out Napoleon Hill's Books "Grow Rich with Peace of Mind." and "Think and Grow Rich" I believe your answers are there. All the best, Greg H
Something that helps me is to give myself permission to sulk, whine, be sad, have a bad attitude, get angry, etc., but set a time limit. I'll say to myself, "I can sulk for one week, then I have to start taking steps to fix the problem." I figure, if I don't really let myself feel all the emotions, they'll start to poke up again and impede any progress I was making. I guess kinda like letting an injury fully heal before starting to run again.
Good luck. It seems like you are on the right track and have the strength to make it through the rough patch. This too shall pass.
Thanks everyone so far for these comments. This week ahs been an eye=opener for me and I'm slowly picking up the pieces. My outlook is for the future but my focus will continue to be on today.
Greg, I'll try getting those books you speak of!
Emma, I agree with what you are saying. I tend to let my emotions hide-away until they are ready to explode.
Ang,
I have been thinking about you. Chica, hang in there. From the very first day I met you in Solvang at the shady hotel that Chuckie hooked us up in (because we were both too cheap to stay in the nice place with all the other trigeeks) :)I KNEW you had an amazing talent. Keep after your dream. I KNOW you can and have the TALENT to do it. I have to echo what you said in your last bullet. I can speak from personal experience having been in Ecuador and living very very modestly for the past year. Just the other day a good Ecuadorian friend of mine asked to borrow 50 bucks for a family emergency. Americans and tri geeks spend thousand of dollars just on a damn bike and my friends here in Ecuador will NEVER see thousands of dollars at one time in their hands. Our worries and troubles as Americans are NOTHING compared to 90 percent of the rest of the world! Keep after your goals and remember no matter what you are a super fournate individual to be able to do what you are doing! Don´t take it for granted by letting a little injury get you down!
Thanks Curly! I'm coming around...full force. When are you back in USA? Thank-you very much for the comment. I hope you're enjoying your time over there!
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