It's now the new year for me: time to reflect on 2009 and focus on 2010! This year has been one of the best years of my life – in both a negative and positive way. Last year ('08) I had a great season as a first-year pro: 3rd @ Muskoka 70.3, 1st @ Boulder Peak, 7th @ Wildflower, and 8th @ 70.3 Worlds (top Canadian!). I was ready to have a great 2009 season. In February I flew overseas to meet my new coach, Brett Sutton, and my new teammates on TeamTBB. Here I was, 26 at the time, eager to work hard and become a "real" pro. I was on my way to my first adventure of 2009!
Team TBB Camp. I arrived in Manila in pants and a long sleeve shirt. I knew it was going to be hot but not quite this hot! It was a wonderful training climate and the energy of the team took over on the days where you felt you couldn't do anymore. And though I wish I could, I just can't explain the Doc; he's a tough book to read! But he's highly intelligent and Yoda-like. He could read me inside and out with just one glance...naive, boggled in the mind, a scattered mess. I was going to be shown the tough way…
And so I pushed myself to limits I shouldn't have. I wanted to prove myself everyday and I shattered myself in the process. I'd come home after hard training days literally unable to walk. On some days, everyone on the team came home like this! I remember walking home one night from a training run because my quads and calves seized up so much. That single mile took 40 minutes!
The weeks rolled by and by the end of the 5th week I was still moving. I LOVED the team, the training and the focus of everyday. I learned a ton at this camp and got a taste of how hard one must train both in a mental and physical sense. Unfortunately though, I crushed myself.
Chuckie V knew that going with Brett and TeamTBB was the best thing for me at the time. I needed a kick in my own arse. Unfortunately I kicked my own arse a bit too hard and ended up fracturing my leg near the knee. I kept running on it and almost broke the tibia fully. I was literally walking on a fine line.
Back in the US, the doctor wanted to put me in a full leg cast. Instead, I opted for crutches and was diligent on not putting any weight on the leg. I managed OK but it was the hardest 4 months I've ever gone through. In the past I'd broken my hip in a bike crash but at the time I was in school and was too busy to do anything else. With this fracture, I twiddled my thumbs and let my mind get the best of me at times. It was a long 4 months of no riding or running, and swimming very cautiously (even the water flow on my leg for the first 6 weeks caused me stabbing pains if I moved funny).
Wounds heal though, and I was ready to be back in battle (at least train for battle) by early July. I started running again, albeit slowly and putting some easy miles on the bike. I still remember my first ride outside again. I was like the new kid on the block with her first bike! I was smiling from ear to ear.
We thought it best I stay in the US and train, staying close to those I loved. I wasn't ready for the Team TBB Switzerland Camp. Instead, Chuckie and I headed to Park City, UT for a change of pace (mostly because we found super cheap rent!) for the remainder of the summer.
Training was going well. I started pushing the bike and run again. My mind however was running a different show. All I did was worry. I felt like I wasn’t getting in shape fast enough to race and I worried that the Achilles problem that I had at the time (which lasted a few weeks) would be another big injury. And I worried about worrying. It was all $%!t! Worry kills…
Hard work. You would think I would have this down pat. I know hard work, I THRIVE on hard work. But I'm like a horse that needs reigns and guidance. I went too hard, too fast and didn't fully commit to the hard work that is needed with recovery, and most importantly, my mental game. I hadn't competed for ¾ of the year and my mind started worrying more about financial woes and my future in the sport. My savings account from last years' winnings was dwindling to the triple digits – the low ones. I found myself in debt before I knew it and realized I couldn't survive any longer on credit alone.
So, it was at this time, I realized it was best for me to head home to the Great White North. As it was, my US visitor's visa was expiring and I had to deal with some immigration papers. But more importantly, I needed to refocus my unfocused mind. I went home and thanks to some amazing parents, I've been able to live rent free for the past couple months so that I could climb out of debt.
And so here I am…the end of November 2009. I had to tell you all this in order for you to understand what I'm about to write and for you to understand how thankful I am for these experiences in my life. I learned more about myself than I have during any other year. And this is not to say I've learned everything there is to learn…Oh, do I have a lot more to learn! But 2010 is going to help me do that.
Commitment. Hard work (SMART hard work). Diligence. Focus. Be the Warrior. HERE NOW. - All the requirements for the start of the new year for me.
I've written a lot about the fears and worries that hold me back. I'm now ready to face them like a true warrior and take the steps to do so. My three biggest fears:
1. Injuries. This past year has provided me the knowledge of how to train properly. Because of my propensity for stress fractures I have no choice but to make some changes. I have low bone density and so I'll be doing a higher percentage of my running uphill (one of Chuckie's "tricks"). I'll also run every other day (one of Doc's "tricks"); treadmill running; soft-surface running; and, of course, focusing on proper recovery, so the impact-related stress doesn't keep piling up.
HOWEVER, running isn't really what hinders me. It's my mind. Worry and stress have just as much (if not more) injury potential than 'dumb' training. I don't need to prove myself everyday. Warriors don't do that, or they'd be dead in their next battle. Recover, train, recover, train, recover, Fight!
2. Debt and Financial worries. I'm now out of debt (but without much savings). And I've realized that being in debt was just an excuse. Yes it's a worry, but it shouldn't hold me back. The bulk of the western world lives in debt. And so I've decided to take out a loan and get rid of any financial worries I may have in the next year. With this loan, I will be able to focus on the task at hand and not worry about what I'm going to do to survive 2010. Hopefully with a solid 2010 season, and help from future supporters, I'll be able to travel, train, and race with a focused mind.
3. My Future. I'm sure everyone worries about their future and I need to remember this. One should look ahead but only as much as to not hinder today! HERE NOW. This is my new motto, provided to me through some long talks with people that believe in me (including myself)! The future doesn't exist. Only HERE NOW does.
Of course, this is not going to make each day a piece of cake. As I said, I have lots to learn. But now, I'm excited for the learning experiences! And those above fears, will continue needing a lot of work. Words are just that, words. I need to put them into action.
And last but not least, I have to say how fortunate I am to have the support network around me. Thanks to my sponsors that have continued to back me: Rudy Project, Standard Process, Avia, Sable Water Optics, and Team TBB. I'm sincerely grateful for all their support. And to a number of great donations provided throughout the year: Raw Revolution, Larabar, Beaker Concepts, Vega, TerraMassage, Omega Nutrition, BodyBio, Hammer Bars & Gels, Kim & Don Naeth, Robin Wenbourne, Graydon Security, and Judy and Dean Mason. THANK-YOU. I'm grateful to have a family of supporters backing me in my efforts.
And for 2010, I'm VERY excited to say I'll be training and racing on the fastest wheels around: Rolf Prima! Other great things are happening and will be announced soon!
... All I'd dream of is my own Air miles or travel points! ….
Regardless, I'm ready. 2010, here I come!
Team TBB Camp. I arrived in Manila in pants and a long sleeve shirt. I knew it was going to be hot but not quite this hot! It was a wonderful training climate and the energy of the team took over on the days where you felt you couldn't do anymore. And though I wish I could, I just can't explain the Doc; he's a tough book to read! But he's highly intelligent and Yoda-like. He could read me inside and out with just one glance...naive, boggled in the mind, a scattered mess. I was going to be shown the tough way…
And so I pushed myself to limits I shouldn't have. I wanted to prove myself everyday and I shattered myself in the process. I'd come home after hard training days literally unable to walk. On some days, everyone on the team came home like this! I remember walking home one night from a training run because my quads and calves seized up so much. That single mile took 40 minutes!
The weeks rolled by and by the end of the 5th week I was still moving. I LOVED the team, the training and the focus of everyday. I learned a ton at this camp and got a taste of how hard one must train both in a mental and physical sense. Unfortunately though, I crushed myself.
Chuckie V knew that going with Brett and TeamTBB was the best thing for me at the time. I needed a kick in my own arse. Unfortunately I kicked my own arse a bit too hard and ended up fracturing my leg near the knee. I kept running on it and almost broke the tibia fully. I was literally walking on a fine line.
Back in the US, the doctor wanted to put me in a full leg cast. Instead, I opted for crutches and was diligent on not putting any weight on the leg. I managed OK but it was the hardest 4 months I've ever gone through. In the past I'd broken my hip in a bike crash but at the time I was in school and was too busy to do anything else. With this fracture, I twiddled my thumbs and let my mind get the best of me at times. It was a long 4 months of no riding or running, and swimming very cautiously (even the water flow on my leg for the first 6 weeks caused me stabbing pains if I moved funny).
Wounds heal though, and I was ready to be back in battle (at least train for battle) by early July. I started running again, albeit slowly and putting some easy miles on the bike. I still remember my first ride outside again. I was like the new kid on the block with her first bike! I was smiling from ear to ear.
We thought it best I stay in the US and train, staying close to those I loved. I wasn't ready for the Team TBB Switzerland Camp. Instead, Chuckie and I headed to Park City, UT for a change of pace (mostly because we found super cheap rent!) for the remainder of the summer.
Training was going well. I started pushing the bike and run again. My mind however was running a different show. All I did was worry. I felt like I wasn’t getting in shape fast enough to race and I worried that the Achilles problem that I had at the time (which lasted a few weeks) would be another big injury. And I worried about worrying. It was all $%!t! Worry kills…
Hard work. You would think I would have this down pat. I know hard work, I THRIVE on hard work. But I'm like a horse that needs reigns and guidance. I went too hard, too fast and didn't fully commit to the hard work that is needed with recovery, and most importantly, my mental game. I hadn't competed for ¾ of the year and my mind started worrying more about financial woes and my future in the sport. My savings account from last years' winnings was dwindling to the triple digits – the low ones. I found myself in debt before I knew it and realized I couldn't survive any longer on credit alone.
So, it was at this time, I realized it was best for me to head home to the Great White North. As it was, my US visitor's visa was expiring and I had to deal with some immigration papers. But more importantly, I needed to refocus my unfocused mind. I went home and thanks to some amazing parents, I've been able to live rent free for the past couple months so that I could climb out of debt.
And so here I am…the end of November 2009. I had to tell you all this in order for you to understand what I'm about to write and for you to understand how thankful I am for these experiences in my life. I learned more about myself than I have during any other year. And this is not to say I've learned everything there is to learn…Oh, do I have a lot more to learn! But 2010 is going to help me do that.
Commitment. Hard work (SMART hard work). Diligence. Focus. Be the Warrior. HERE NOW. - All the requirements for the start of the new year for me.
I've written a lot about the fears and worries that hold me back. I'm now ready to face them like a true warrior and take the steps to do so. My three biggest fears:
1. Injuries. This past year has provided me the knowledge of how to train properly. Because of my propensity for stress fractures I have no choice but to make some changes. I have low bone density and so I'll be doing a higher percentage of my running uphill (one of Chuckie's "tricks"). I'll also run every other day (one of Doc's "tricks"); treadmill running; soft-surface running; and, of course, focusing on proper recovery, so the impact-related stress doesn't keep piling up.
HOWEVER, running isn't really what hinders me. It's my mind. Worry and stress have just as much (if not more) injury potential than 'dumb' training. I don't need to prove myself everyday. Warriors don't do that, or they'd be dead in their next battle. Recover, train, recover, train, recover, Fight!
2. Debt and Financial worries. I'm now out of debt (but without much savings). And I've realized that being in debt was just an excuse. Yes it's a worry, but it shouldn't hold me back. The bulk of the western world lives in debt. And so I've decided to take out a loan and get rid of any financial worries I may have in the next year. With this loan, I will be able to focus on the task at hand and not worry about what I'm going to do to survive 2010. Hopefully with a solid 2010 season, and help from future supporters, I'll be able to travel, train, and race with a focused mind.
3. My Future. I'm sure everyone worries about their future and I need to remember this. One should look ahead but only as much as to not hinder today! HERE NOW. This is my new motto, provided to me through some long talks with people that believe in me (including myself)! The future doesn't exist. Only HERE NOW does.
Of course, this is not going to make each day a piece of cake. As I said, I have lots to learn. But now, I'm excited for the learning experiences! And those above fears, will continue needing a lot of work. Words are just that, words. I need to put them into action.
And last but not least, I have to say how fortunate I am to have the support network around me. Thanks to my sponsors that have continued to back me: Rudy Project, Standard Process, Avia, Sable Water Optics, and Team TBB. I'm sincerely grateful for all their support. And to a number of great donations provided throughout the year: Raw Revolution, Larabar, Beaker Concepts, Vega, TerraMassage, Omega Nutrition, BodyBio, Hammer Bars & Gels, Kim & Don Naeth, Robin Wenbourne, Graydon Security, and Judy and Dean Mason. THANK-YOU. I'm grateful to have a family of supporters backing me in my efforts.
And for 2010, I'm VERY excited to say I'll be training and racing on the fastest wheels around: Rolf Prima! Other great things are happening and will be announced soon!
... All I'd dream of is my own Air miles or travel points! ….
Regardless, I'm ready. 2010, here I come!
4 comments:
Good luck with everything!
I know exactly what and how you feel - it's overwhelming to think everything we have to do to make sure we stay afloat.
Stay positive and stay hungry.
All the best.
Angela,
Sounds like last year was a great learning year for you! Hang in there, keep your head up and in the game and you will thrive! It is all about the journey....
Best of luck in 2010!
Great post. You have grown alot during last year (based on your writings). I haven't had so much time to read you blog lately and that's why change is easier to see (as you can't see your own baby grow before you are away day or two :)
Today mornign at local swimming pool, I thought I saw you! wierd, I know, but that's why I came to your blog to see how are you doing!
All the best!
It's funny how much we will push to achieve something. I've recently fallen victim to that and reading this post really saved me from doing more harm than good! Thanks for sharing and all the best in your upcoming training and racing! Looking forward to seeing you rip it up this year!
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